Review: [Explicit] MC Gryf: Witches Ain’t Shit

Sun, Jan 7, 2018

Albums, Review

Note: This EP is not remotely safe for work or sensitive ears.

MC Gryf asserts himself from the very first verse of “Where My Mudbloods At?”: “I been writin’ rhymes since Albus Dumbledore bit the dust.” This first entry on his “Witches Ain’t Shit” EP is an aggressive one, with MC Gryf talking shit on Slytherin House, while also celebrating his status as a mudblood. “They hate on Hermione, a mudblood just like me, if you wanna draw that wand and throw a curse then just try me.”

“Marauder’s Map Rap” opens with a synth-heavy narration of the introduction to the map we all know and love. He also throws in a Gandalf quote, which made this reviewer’s nerdy heart skip a beat: “I might be showing up a minute later than you, but a wizard shows up exactly when he means to.” What follows is a walk-through of MC Gryf spying on each House in their common rooms. Ravenclaw: “They’re just sittin’ there studying, being boring as balls.” Hufflepuff: “Cedric Diggory’s got a big-ass line of witches to bone.” Slytherin: “Oh my God, what a mess, Draco’s tryin’ to rhyme and ain’t nobody impressed.” Based on those assessments, it should come as no surprise that Gryffindor gets the most praise in this song.

“Hit It Like a Hufflepuff” is a raucous, raunchy anthem akin to old school Swish and Flick jams. The phrase “let me show you my Elder Wand” appears, and that should be all you need to know. Next up, “I Got Magic Flow” demonstrates exactly that. This song is a slower tempo, which lets MC Gryf rap with a chill, quiet confidence.

The last track, “We’re Brave,” opens with a drum and bass line reminiscent of your favorite Janet Jackson jam. MC Gryf espouses the traits of his house: Gryffindor’s don’t quit, even when there’s a whole world telling you that your worst fears are going to come true. “Bravery is feelin’ fear and goin’ in anyway.” The rest of the song is more uplifting than any other track on the EP. MC Gryf raps about how, if you really want to be brave, don’t give up on your dreams: “walk for it, run for it, apparate or fly for it, fight for it, cry for it.” In MC Gryf’s eyes and final song, we’re *all* brave, and we all have a capacity to *be* brave.

To finish, I need to be completely honest with you, readers. I wish I could have just given you a transcript of every single verse on this entire EP. That’s how good it is. Every single line is a true gem of wizard rap. Go check out his Valentine’s single, too: Chocolate Cauldrons of Love.

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